I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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