There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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