I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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