i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
