She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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