I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
