where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
