dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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