Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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