Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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