dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I wish i was in the wii world.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I have aggressive nipples.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
