dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
