the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
