Define "chronic" masturbator.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
