I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
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