Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
