my vag is so smooth its legendary
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
