wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
