is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
