There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
