so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
