i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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