Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
