Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
