I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize