For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
