There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
