If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
