You don't have asthma, your pregnant
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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