Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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