she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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