go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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