the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Randomize
