Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I would fuck him just for his dog
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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