I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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