Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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