I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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