I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
We have so much sex to catch up on
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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