i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
