i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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