Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
