I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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