the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
