I bet he comes in French.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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