hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
