sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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