Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Randomize
