Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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