He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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