Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Randomize
