when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
