we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
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