i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
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