So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
