Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
