Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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