I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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