I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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