Too much gin, very little bucket
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Enjoy the penises
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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