Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
