she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize