I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
