apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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