Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
