the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
