thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
two words...techno handjob
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
