Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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