You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
