i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
