I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
