I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
