Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
