Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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