I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
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