I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
false alarm. still invincible.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
